I'm in the Land of Confusion

I am in a period where I can't see straight. I'm having a deeply felt experience of not knowing where I wanna go from here. What I wanna do with the rest of my life. I'm not anxious, but more..tense, very restless.

After I decided to commit to the 100 Day Reality Challenge 2-3 weeks ago I've found that I'm more challenged by my inner self sabotager than I've been in a long time. Weird? Probably not - that part of me is getting more desperate to not lose ground in my inner landscape.

It's like my core and my ego have been thrown up in the air, and I can't see which is what. It's confusing, and annoying.. Right now I'm uncertain of who I am, and what I believe in.
I'm in a zone of questions:
Where? Which? Who? Why? How? Really? WHAT???


1-2 weeks ago I saw the first session of "The Big Leap series" Lilou Mace did with Gay Hendricks (youtube). I loved the whole session, but one of the things Lilou said stuck with me because that is how I feel too sometimes. She said: "Sometimes I feel like a fraud." What she meant was that she is doing a lot of spiritual practice to improve her life, and has for years, making lots of videoes that inspire others, but in her personal life she keeps sabotaging herself in different ways.
Her and me both!!
I KNOW what it takes, or at least I think I know - but then I sabotage myself over and over again, doing the opposite of what I know is right, or the thing that I want. I can't figure myself out at the moment!
Have you felt anything similar?

I wasn't sure if I wanted to post this, but I'm doing it anyway.
Maybe it's my self sabotager who wants me to..! lol

I'll write an update on this, as I'm certain of one thing: THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS!

Hugs to you
Aina