The internal Sun in the middle of ourselves

"We don't realize that, somewhere within us all, there does exist a supreme self who is eternally at peace." ~ Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)
I just read this on the net, (I have not read this book though)and it brought back some memories:
When I was a teenager and younger, and didn't know any spiritual terms/words for this supreme self she is referring to - I used to call it "in the middle of myself". I saw it as a ball of bright light within, like an internal sun, and it was all peace and harmony no matter what was going on in my life, and on the surface with my human emotions. One part of me felt all kinds of fears, sadness, dispair etc, but this inner sun was always shining, being harmonious, peaceful and totally at ease with everything. Well, it still is :)
Sometimes it confused me feeling "light & shadow" all at once, but it was as it was.
I just felt like writing about it. Maybe others can relate?

I salute your internal sun,
Aina

Biggest full moon in over 20 years this weekend!

Tomorrow, Saturday, the moon will be 14 % closer to Earth than it was 2 months ago. How cool is that?!
I hope there will be clear weather, so we can all get a clear sight of the planet that mirrors the sun so beautifully.

How will this "visit" from the moon effect Earth? Previous "close encounters" have caused earthquakes and vulcano outbursts. Is it then possible that the earthquake and tsunami in Japan was caused by the moon moving closer? I don't know.
One thing is for sure though, the tides all over the planet will be larger.

How will the full moon effect us individually? The human body contains 60-80 % water, so I'm sure we'll feel some sort of effect. Will many of us find ourselves holding more water in our bodies? Will many of us be more moody? More angry? Fantazise more? Have insomnia? These are often what many experience during full moon in general, so it might increase this weekend. We'll see.

In astrology the moon is a symbol of the Mother, the feminine principle, the caretaker. Could it signify a "re-birth" of a greater genuine caring around the planet?
The tsunami and current critical situation for Japan, as well as the critical situation for civilians in Libya, have made humanity feel compassion, the want to be there for others. CARE. Can that be the "message" from the moon? I don't know.
We could see it as a "sign" that the huge moon will rise in the East. So - look to the East!
It's time to question our previous values, to see which ones that are of real value, and then let go of the ones who are not of the highest good for all.
That's some of my thoughts and questions about this.

Happy enormous full moon weekend!

I'm in the Land of Confusion

I am in a period where I can't see straight. I'm having a deeply felt experience of not knowing where I wanna go from here. What I wanna do with the rest of my life. I'm not anxious, but more..tense, very restless.

After I decided to commit to the 100 Day Reality Challenge 2-3 weeks ago I've found that I'm more challenged by my inner self sabotager than I've been in a long time. Weird? Probably not - that part of me is getting more desperate to not lose ground in my inner landscape.

It's like my core and my ego have been thrown up in the air, and I can't see which is what. It's confusing, and annoying.. Right now I'm uncertain of who I am, and what I believe in.
I'm in a zone of questions:
Where? Which? Who? Why? How? Really? WHAT???


1-2 weeks ago I saw the first session of "The Big Leap series" Lilou Mace did with Gay Hendricks (youtube). I loved the whole session, but one of the things Lilou said stuck with me because that is how I feel too sometimes. She said: "Sometimes I feel like a fraud." What she meant was that she is doing a lot of spiritual practice to improve her life, and has for years, making lots of videoes that inspire others, but in her personal life she keeps sabotaging herself in different ways.
Her and me both!!
I KNOW what it takes, or at least I think I know - but then I sabotage myself over and over again, doing the opposite of what I know is right, or the thing that I want. I can't figure myself out at the moment!
Have you felt anything similar?

I wasn't sure if I wanted to post this, but I'm doing it anyway.
Maybe it's my self sabotager who wants me to..! lol

I'll write an update on this, as I'm certain of one thing: THIS, TOO, SHALL PASS!

Hugs to you
Aina

It's time to get REAL, and it makes me feel ENERGIZED!!

I feel so different today! So amazingly ENERGIZED!

I've decided to get a little more personal here on my blog. More like a diary type of writing, regarding my personal development.

There's a difference between knowing what is real, and actually living it - and I have a strong side that has always tried to destroy my goals and intentions. Call it ego if you like. It is what it is. One side is always working for my best interest, and the other side to fight my best interest. This constant internal battle field have been in me most of my life.

Here are two examples, just so it gets clear how this can work.
1)I decide I want to lose weight, and feel really motivated, I end up eating too much, or start craving chips to the point that I "have to" eat some (or a lot) or else I get cranky.
2) I decide I want to start painting again, and really look forward to it - but then I start doing house cleaning, log on to facebook, start doing something totally different (anything really).
I have a strong self sabotager in me. That's the current fact.

The great 10.10.10 I had yesterday - and all the wonderful vibes from that day might be what is working big time in me today, triggering this. Yet also - I am so inspired because last night I watched the hour long third session youtube vid Lilou Mace did with Freeman Michaels this weekend. It was exactly what I needed: I have so much integration to do! So much acceptance work! I realized soo much of what I have to work on!
For instance I have to acccept my self sabotager by observing it instead of just being in it's self sabotaging nature. I have to embrace my inner child a lot more, and the strong rebel in me - so they work FOR me, not against me! The self sabotager is a a collection of neglected, "pushed-under-the-rug" parts of me, and those parts need to be acknowledged.

I've also decided to make intentions for the day in a journal each morning, so I program myself to focus on what I want to do and manifest. Each morning!



There's so much going on inside me today, that I even struggle finding the words to describe it all, LOL I just wanted to share that I'm getting more REAL than ever, and that I feel energized just by knowing about it!

I will share what I'll do, my challenges and "way to go's", and what I realize as I do this work. So much of my life need that I make huge changes. Since the outside world/the Matrix is a direct reflection of my inside that is where all the work needs to be done, so my intention and drive are aligning for that in a much stronger way now!
I HAVE DECIDED TO TRANSFORM MY LIFE!!!

Real intention vibes are flowing out from my very core!
~ Aina ~

I am a Loner longing for the Freedom of a simple life

Are you a city person? I am definitely not! LOL
To me having little and living simply have a huge stroke of Freedom. I have often dreamt about living in a small house near a mountain somewhere, no other houses as far as my eyes can see. At one point, when I studied buddhism some yrs back, I dreamt about joining a buddhist convent - to me that was really appealing. It still is somewhat.
There is an island outside of Italy, I don't know the name of it (yet), where one can go and stay for a week or so. It is a convent there, catholic monks I think - and what is so special about this place is that no one speaks. I read about it in a book some years back. The Norwegian author had been there. From that moment on I started dreaming about going there - and some day I will. One full week of complete silence sounds like Heaven on Earth to me!
I have been a loner all my life. If I've been around people, I need my silence for a while. I have learned ways to connect with my inner stillness point no matter how noisy a place I'm in - yet I get so effected by energies, that I still need my own space quite a lot. I should learn to control it..
I have memories from several previous lives, and in some of them I've been living in celibacy, as a loner and sage - yet working as a teacher, healer etc. Maybe that's why the thought of living by myself in a cave somewhere is a longing I have to deal with..
It's not that I don't like human life - there are many great things about it. I just have this longing for a Freedom I don't feel I have now. I am aware that is an illusion - that I'm always free. I am working on connecting full time to the Freedom that exists in the eternal Now.
I have not really talked about my longing to others, yet I felt like sharing it.
Much much love to you
~ Aina ~

Tomorrow - 65 years since Hiroshima was bombed. Let's create PEACE with our Hearts!

"Peace Memorial days" on the 6th in Hiroshima, and on the 9th in Nagasaki. Let us remember to pray for the spirits who had to leave Earth because of all the wars in our history.

Tomorrow, on the 6th, it's 65 years ago since the first atomic bomb were dropped over Hiroshima, Japan. On Monday, the 9th - the same for Nagasaki. Let's make these days a time to really reflect on Peace, and send our Peace vibes from our Hearts - to honour all those who have left Earth during war. Also to focus on creating Peace as a way of Life for us all, and the ones that come after us.
During the history of humanity too much blood have been shed, and it's about time we get together in Peace and Harmony to prevent such devastation to occur again.
We all have in us the ability to create Peace. By BEING peace, we can change this world. We can do it!
Lots of love and peace vibes to you!
~ Aina ~

Solar activity is hitting on my vibes! Yours too?

Hello! I tried to write a new post here last night - but my mind was bent in all sorts of strange directions, so I had to give up after three attempts, on just as many subjects..!
I'm experiencing a strange state of mind these days (for the last 2 weeks or so), where everything is up in the air. My memory is out of function, and my moods are like a rocky sea.. I can't see straight because my inner landscape is misty.. It sure is a strange ride! I have to smile sometimes, because it's really weird to feel so out of balance! I'm not down. I'm just up in the air, and experiencing some turbulence. You know the feeling, right? I undertand that many share a similar state of mind these days - and some say it's connected with the massive solar activity that's going on. I'm apt to believe that. We are effected by the moon, and the sun is even stronger.. Mother Moon is only a reflection of Father Sun's light. Would be great if Father Sun could go into a deep state of meditation, by the way.. Just for a little while, so I could sort out my mind a bit. Two days in a row I have meditated, to feel some sense of inner peace - just to find that 5 minutes after, my depths have taken the flight again.. Do you even understand what I'm talking about? LOL All I know is that this too will pass - and I thank Source for that!
By opening up, and sharing this, I hope, if you are going through something similar, that it helps to know you are not alone :) It's always a relief to know you are not alone regarding an experience you have a hard time figuring out where comes from.. When we open up and share, it's comforting - and we understand fully that we are more alike, and have more in common, than we usually think we are and have. The fact is, we are all One. Connected. Whatever one of us are going through, somewhere out there someone else, often many, are going through the same emotions, the same state of mind. We are truly never alone about anything. I like that fact!
Thank you for reading this.
Peace waves are flowing your way,
~ Aina ~